Safety in the Harbor
March 29, 2017
I first heard this quote when I was a senior in high school. It was a year after I made the choice to go to college 650 miles away from my family for the first time ever. I would live on my own, work a full time job, navigate public higher education, love, be heartbroken, give birth to my amazing boy, meet great people and graduate with both a degree in life and English.
Much to the chagrin of my parents I was (and still am) stubborn as a bull. When I set my mind to something, I did it. I was tenacious, fiery and determined. I like to think I am still some of those things now, but I don't feel it. I don't feel like the fire in my bones has been ignited in a long time. So it is quite possible I am still that girl who was on the cusp of womanhood and discovery and had the world at her hands, but I need to take time and rediscover her and get back to her.
I think one important trait most of us carry in our youth is fearlessness. When channeled into the right avenues, you can accomplish great things from letting fear go! I fell in love with New York City when I was 16. I went to stay with my friend Erika in Washington Heights and KNEW that I had to be in this place! August 2006, with $1200 saved up, school supplies and some stuff for my bedroom, my parents and I made the 12 hour drive and I moved into a 3 bedroom apartment with an awesome family of strangers near Central Park West. When I look back on that, it's amazing how that chapter of my life began. By the end of August I was a Freshman at City College of New York in Harlem.
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| what a few years in NYC did to me lol; Photo credit: Leon Photo Werks (RIP) |
I don't necessarily think that it was my absence of fear, but it was my drive to be different, do different and follow my heart that pushed me to move away from Kentucky. Much like I knew back then, Kentucky has nothing for me other than my family. I feel no real ties to this place and have always felt like I don't belong here. It's not home to me, it is just a place I have spent the majority of my life. A holding pen if you well.
I talked to a coworker about this yesterday. I miss early to mid 2000s Cicely. I want to get her back. I want to be her again. I'm 29 and don't want to be a shell of a woman, I want to live on my own terms and by my rules. I want to go against the grain like I'm used to doing and learn and love my way. Although having a child with special needs complicates things, I don't want that to be my crutch. Before you get all judgmental, I know that my child comes first. Any place I move or anything I decide to do HAS to be an excellent fit for him. If I got the opportunity of a lifetime, but L wasn't able to get the help he needs, then it's not the right fit for me or us.
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| I had sauce y'all lol. this was 2008 |
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| 2008 my first collaboration with Samantha Lennon MUA and Earl Leon -photog |
I said all of that to say this...Life is entirely too short to be scared to take the chance, quit the job, write the book, marry the girl or guy, leave behind everything you've ever known or simple do whatever it is that makes you happy or be your real, true self. 2017 and the rest of MY life is not meant to be lived in fear. It's not to say that you won't be scared or that you're not allowed to be, but don't succumb to the fear and don't live in regret.
Crossroads
March 28, 2017
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| Photo: Staci Marie MUA: Makeup by Kristin Gray |
So I know, I know it has been a long time (25 days if you want to be exact), but it has been with good reason! I have really had a lot going on...I feel like this month has truly been a blur. In my usual journalistic style, I will give you a recap:
Tax season!
That tax return hit so I did what everyone usually does...I spent most of my money like a responsible adult paying up and getting caught up on bills :/...yeah, wonderful! lol
Began to Tap/Practice EFT
So I have dabbled in EFT and tapping before, but this month I really decided to step things up. I try to do it if not every day then every other day and if nothing else I feel better because of doing it. If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about...go on YouTube and search for Brad Yates and then try anything listed under his "Quickie" videos....you're welcome
Started the hCG Diet
It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done! lol Luckily, I have been steady losing weight and I'm at exactly 11 lb down today! I needed to do it! When I started I was like 40 lb heavier than my original HIGHEST WEIGHT EVER. It was scary and shocking. I knew that the time was now to make the change!
School now or career now?
I'm facing the decision now to continue my life in beauty or return to Nursing school?! Staying in Kentucky my options are extremely limited as to what I can do and become. We only have really 4 major beauty retailers with a 5th on the way. Because Lexington is so small, just about everyone knows each other and has worked together or for the same companies in some capacity...I'm tired of that. I feel in my bones that I need to move out of the state to advance in beauty, but to where? When? How? I've been praying and putting things into action to help me make my decision. I do know that God and the Universe is looking out for me, so now I just await the sign or the right opportunity. I feel stifled and I need, no actually I demand freedom.
Being a better Mom
I feel like as a working Mom it is super easy to get caught up in work and not focus on your kid. That's unacceptable for me in my life right now. I have been making a conscious effort to work on Liam's homework every night after work and have pep talks with him in the morning, Every day for the past week I've told him to have the BEST day. He took it a step further and told me that he's going to have a "rad" day or an "amazing" day. Either one will suffice! :) He's an amazing little boy and I'm trying to nurture and let him grow into an awesome human being.
So that's the 411 on me! Hope all has been well out there in blogger world!
Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
autism mom
beauty at any size
blackgirlmagic
bougie beauty babe
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life
live your best life
stepping into my light
Living Your Best Life
March 3, 2017
I jokingly use this phrase, but I really mean it. When I see my friends and family out here succeeding and doing great things, I tell them they are "living their best life". I mean living a life so good that you can see the happiness radiating and the joy of life spilling from their pores. True happiness, purposeful living and creating an amazing life,
I realized also that I have been not doing enough of that! I talk to God very casually instead of doing what I call traditional prayer. I talk to God and ask him to show me what he wants me to do, ask him what he has for me and to grant me the patience to wait on it. In 29 years, I can say that His timing has always been right. I truly believe that God can speak to and through us. It is up to us to read and see the signs.
I am way more spiritual than religious. The life lessons and things I believe I have discovered in my spirituality far surpass anything I have experienced in life. I am still trying to decipher sometimes what God wants for me and how I can get to live the life I want and feel I deserve, but I feel confident that I will get there.
But now cha'girl is on some new-new! I'm going to be one of those people I accuse of living their best life. I am literally ALWAYS telling people that they can do things and have the power within them, but I'm not practicing what I preach. So on March 3, 2017, here's to living your best muthafucking life! May you stumble, may you learn, may you fail, may you succeed, but most importantly may you do it on YOUR own terms.
Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
I realized also that I have been not doing enough of that! I talk to God very casually instead of doing what I call traditional prayer. I talk to God and ask him to show me what he wants me to do, ask him what he has for me and to grant me the patience to wait on it. In 29 years, I can say that His timing has always been right. I truly believe that God can speak to and through us. It is up to us to read and see the signs.
I am way more spiritual than religious. The life lessons and things I believe I have discovered in my spirituality far surpass anything I have experienced in life. I am still trying to decipher sometimes what God wants for me and how I can get to live the life I want and feel I deserve, but I feel confident that I will get there.
But now cha'girl is on some new-new! I'm going to be one of those people I accuse of living their best life. I am literally ALWAYS telling people that they can do things and have the power within them, but I'm not practicing what I preach. So on March 3, 2017, here's to living your best muthafucking life! May you stumble, may you learn, may you fail, may you succeed, but most importantly may you do it on YOUR own terms.
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| The face you make when you out here comin' for what's yours to get! |
Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
beauty at any size
blackgirlmagic
body acceptance
body love
curves
curvy fit
curvy girl
healthy curves
plus size
plus size model
weight loss journey
Too Much Booty Babe?
February 27, 2017
I have never been petite. Like at all. EVER. in my life. Unless you count birth and the couple of years thereafter lol. Growing up I was always a bigger child, both in height and size, but was definitely active. I played basketball from age 6/7 until I was 17. I did Gymnastics for a small stint and generally loved to be outdoors and being active when I wasn't reading a book.
As women, we are constantly scrutinizing and criticizing our bodies. It's actually pretty fucking sad because women are such magical and amazing beings! At my best I have lost about 75 pounds and kept it off for about a year. Getting out of healthy habits and not making time for exercise caused me to gain all of that weight back and then more. I'm truly thankful that my blood tests have always good, my hormones are not out of whack, but I still struggle with my wright. I realize that some people are predisposed to gain weight easily and have to always be mindful of the things they're eating. I am one of those people and it will be a struggle for me always. That is not to say that I can't lose weight or that I am incapable of being slim, but the societal and medical standards to which I am supposed to adhere will probably never happen for me and I'm okay with that.
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| thick slim lol |
My 20s have been a roller coaster of weights, but I do try to maintain at least some healthy practices. I love drinking copious amounts of water (FIJI if I'm gettin' REAL bougie lol). At my fittest and happiest, I enjoyed working out 4 to 5 days a week for 30 minutes to an hour. And although not very fun I do enjoy eating relatively clean because I love how my body feels and how it reacts i.e. weight loss.
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| me last year trying to get my mojo back. I did a before video |
Although most women struggle with weight during pregnancy and have some body image issues, my weight decreased when pregnant with L and my body image issues were much better while pregnant. I appreciated my body for the fat burning, baby making machine that it was and I ate healthy, stayed active and felt great for the majority of my pregnancy. Now eight years later and significantly heavier than I was pregnant with L, I am feeling the strain of this extra weight and also the changes that come along with being older and having more weight on my joints and the rest of my body.
I love myself and my body currently, I know that fitness needs to be an integral part of my life again. I come from a family with multiple maladies and I know at this point the only way to avoid or lessen the chance of developing these illnesses is to get my weight under control and be commit a lifetime of healthy eating and exercising. These are also things that I would love to pass on to L and to engage in physical activity as a family.
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| me at one of my heavier weights in 2015, but still #iSlay |
So this post is me taking a stand once again against my weight and continuing onto the next leg of my weight loss journey. I have to do this for myself, my son and my overall well being. I'm always gonna have bawdy, but I'd rather keep it on the less gut more but tip lol. We have one body and one life and I am literally going to try to do my best to treat both like the treasures they are!
Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
29 is So Divine!
February 18, 2017
Hi Everyone!
February 1 29 years ago the Bougie Beauty Babe was born - literally! I can't believe this is the last year of my 20s! What an adventure it has been! 2016 was an entire year of learning. There is just so much to reflect on!
Here's what my 20s consisted of:
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| me and baby Liam :) |
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| Worst picture of life! lol think I took this my Senior year...was THAT happy to be graduating lmfao
20-22 - Had been working in skincare and beauty for a few months. I was in my last years of college and at 21 ended a horrendous relationship and leaving a person that didn't and never would serve me, then giving birth to my son. Graduated college at age 22, my son was 9 months old. Founded Liam Artistry, LLC. Did some modeling gigs in NYC. Dealing with being a new and single mom. Started working for Benefit cosmetics freelance and dealt with unemployment for the 1st time. Blogging my way through it, thinking I might become a lawyer. Took and studied for the LSAT.
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22-23 - a whole bunch of discovery and dating trying to figure out motherhood and a hectic life in NYC as a single mom. Got some drinking and partying out of my system. Decided to move back to KY at 23. Tried dating in KY...it was a hot ass mess.
23-24 - living back home with my parents and my toddler son, trying to figure out WTF I was gonna do with my life and make sense of this damn Bachelor's degree I have with no clue wth I want to be when I grow up lol. Went on weight loss journey to find my happiness. My Godson was born!
25-29 - Got certified as a CNA & Medical Interpreter. Got an amazing opportunity to meet and work with an amazing plus size designer in Seattle named Liesl Binx! I LOVE her!!! I met and have a relationship with a man and his 2 kids that I love. Quit working at the hospital and gained back some sleep, sanity and joy. Completed one semester of Nursing school and had to take a break. Liam was officially diagnosed with ASD. Began working for YSL & Armani (2 companies I love). My brother Chris died when I was 27 and I miss him every day. Became a cat mom to Luna.
I'm sure there are some things I am forgetting, but I feel have been through a lot of life in just my 20s. There is a saying "Thank God I don't look like what I've been through"! Amen!
Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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