living my best life

On Fear and Failure to Launch

August 31, 2019

photo: Kat Wagers Studios

 As of today's date, I am about 2 months into my Nursing career as an LPN. It's kind of crazy! As y'all should know about me by now, I am eternally restless. I am always ready to tackle and complete the next goal in my life. I have not taken the time to even post a well thought out post until now. I feel like a lot of things are becoming more apparent to me the longer I live and learn more about myself. The main thing is that I am supposed to be an entrepreneur. 

 I have slowly but surely been planting the seeds and preparing myself to head in that direction since I was 18 or 19.  I am a lifetime learner who enjoys learning for the sake of learning. As I progress in my career and my life path, it's just obvious. I like control of my schedule and I hate to feel boxed in by work schedules, I enjoy doing many things and I don't like doing the same types of things daily. Most important is the fact that I like to have direct control of my earnings. I feel like my work or lack thereof should directly affect my earnings. That can only fully happen when you work for yourself. 

 It may explain why I have never been 100% satisfied with any job I've ever had. In that same vein, I make sure to maximize every learning opportunity from any job I have and have had. But now, I think it's finally time to step into my season of true entrepreneurship and being my own boss. 

 So, I took a personal inventory of some of the things that have blocked me in the past:

 1) Fear (of failure, success, who knows?). Fear can be paralyzing and keep you in once place for much too long. 

 2) Lack of support/feeling of support. I feel like there is only a shortlist of people I can talk to about my business. My family is kind of supportive at a distance, but I have never had anyone in my life be really gung-ho about me starting a business/being an entrepreneur. I don't need anyone's approval, but it's always good to have moral and other support. In that same realm, I know my mom is more of a passive supporter. If I'm running a business and ask her to help me do some things, I know she would. 

 3) Lack of follow-through. Back in Spring 2016, I decided it was my time. I had a supplier, had invested money in hair to wear and try, a website, twitter account, IG account for my now-defunct Liam Luxe Virgin Hair and NOT a single sale. I kind of gave up and put it on the back burner to finish Nursing school. 

 What's different this time? I have to do this. I'm not happy with my current financial situation, I'm not happy with the current trajectory of my life and I'm finally ready and willing to put the muscle behind the movement. This is apart of a complete overhaul of my life. Yes, I am still going to get my RN degree and yes I still want to become a Nurse Practitioner. But in 2019 and for a few years now, multiple streams of income has been the name of the game. I need savings, healthy retirement fund and some better financial management. My finances, my health, my education and the way I'm currently progressing through life are not up to the standards I would like them to be. So it's that time again folks, a new season, a time for reinvention and most crucial, a time to become who I've always been meant to be. 
photo: Kat Wagers Studios
*Cheers to a new business, a better me and living my best life as Cicely Nurse & Entrepreneur*

 Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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31 Lessons in 31 Years/31 Thangs About Me

February 1, 2019

When you grown. Photo by: Erica Lee Photography (2018)/ MUA: Makeup by Kristin Gray 


My favorite national holiday has circled back around another year: my birthday! I saw a post on ScaryMommy.com that inspired this blog and title. I wanted to share 31 truths I've learned in my 31 trips around the sun and mix in some fun facts about me. 

31. I can do bad all by myself.

30. "What you seek is seeking you" - Rumi

29.  Nothing happens before it's time. This is such a hard lesson to accept. But as I get older, I am more at ease. 

28. Quality ALWAYS outweighs quantity of friends. I have some of the best people in my circle and it is only a select few. 

27. "To thine ownself be true" - that sums it up for itself

26. A "no" doesn't mean forever, it just means right now. Be open and receptive to other options and possibilities you weren't considering. 

25. Nothing can ever happen if you don't take a chance. The older I get, the more hesitant I have become about making exciting, new, promising decisions. This was not a problem in my youth. I chalk that up to being a single mom in a single income household and bearing the brunt of the responsibility. What I have learned thus far in my womanhood/motherhood journey is that what works for me is usually what will work for Liam. If I can see the benefit for me and us as a family, then that's the green light. My parenting goal in this life is to raise a child/children who don't have to get therapy to recover from childhood trauma and to be present in my children's life. 

24. I have a secret desire to own a mini farm lol. I want a cow, about 3 dogs, 2 cats, chickens, a garden and a good size house on about 5 acres. Now, I don't know how to farm or garden, but I'm willing to learn lol. 

23. Motherhood for me has been one of THE most stressful, fulfilling and life-changing adventures and aside from having more money, there is absolutely nothing I would change.  

22. I used to have constant anxiety about providing for myself and my son, but EVERY TIME things work out for the best. "Won't He do it?!"

21. My favorite color is Cerulean.

20. I was born on a Monday.

19. Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk is my absolute favorite foundation (My color is #10 if anyone is feeling gifty lol).

18. I prefer lipgloss to lipstick, but love them both.

17. I am NOT a cat person, but my pound cat (got her from Lexington Human Society) Luna is my pride and joy lol.

16. My mama is one of my favorite people in this world. (That don't mean I don't love my Daddy because I certainly do)
photo by Christina Terrano/ HMUA: me

 15. I know with certainty in my heart that I will meet my soulmate/life partner this year. Don't ask me how I know, but I do.

14. I'm intuitive and as I like to joke, ALMOST psychic. I have a way of sensing/feeling things that I usually can't explain. I am an ENFJ personality.

13. Liam was on my short list of baby names and when I saw him for the first time, I knew the name I picked fit perfectly.

12. This is year 10 for me as a single mom. I'm a whole decade deep!

11. I've never been married, but come close...

10. I believe working on yourself is key to getting better in all aspects and to helping those around you.

9. A dream/goal of mine is to have my own talk show a la Oprah meets Ricki Lake with a dash of Cardi B lol

8. Nursing is a 2nd career for me.

7. I'm a candle junkie. I love candles. Check out www.hausofhoodoo.com and www.poshcandleco.com

6. I like to surround myself with positivity and flowers (I often by myself flowers)

5. Outside of childhood, I've only had two good Valentine's Days. But this year that will change (because I'm taking matters into my own hands)

4. I recorded my previous weight loss journey on Youtube...it's still up for you to see lol

3. There are very few people you can rely on in life. The ones you can, be sure to cherish and honor them while you have the chance. 

2. Be thankful/grateful every day. A positive mindset and outlook always spawn positive actions in your life. This is NON-negotiable. 

1. No love compares to the love you should/need to have for yourself. You have to love you first to love anyone else. That doesn't mean that you won't have your bad days and days of doubt, but you need to know that you are a BAMF all day erryday. Okuurrrrrrr? *Cardi*
photo by: Christina Terrano/HMUA: me



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$h!t I'm Leaving Behind in 2018

December 22, 2018


So that's it y'all. I'm not.with.the.shits.no.more!!! I have been deliveredt! lol 

photo cred: GRW Photography - Geneva Wilder

Here is a comprehensive list of shit I'm leaving behind in 2018 where the hell it belongs:


1) Dealing with people/things who are not an energetic match for me. You are not obligated to entertain anyone nor their bullshit!Your energy don't match mine? #Dassit. I'm out. A situation don't feel right? Peace.

2) Giving people the benefit of the doubt. You don't have to deal with excuses. If anyone knows ANYTHING about a busy,hectic, sKressful life...it's me. Yet I don't let that stop me from showing people I care, showing them that they're important to me and being as present as I can. 

3) Forgetting who the f%#k I am. I'm a queen raising a wonderful young man. We both deserve the very best in everything and anyone we deal with and I REFUSE to accept less. 

4) Forgetting to take care of me. It's high time to get my nails done, my hair did, regular massages and the whole nine. I'm overdue to get back to putting myself #1 again. I can't help Liam, my family nor my friends if I don't have my shit together. If I'm not mentally, physically spiritually in tune, how can I help anyone else do the same? Take care of you baby, 'cuz aint nobody else gonna do it. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated, literally! Can't nobody treat you and love you better than you. 

5) F&*k shit lol. I'm not entertaining it no more! I LITERALLY have no time for it. I know better so I HAVE TO do better. #Dassit

6) In relationships: trying to get a man to my level. IF you are not already there, there are 2 choices: A) I can stand back and love/care for you while you ascend/grow/develop to meet me where I'm at (if that is what he CHOOSES to do & he proves that he is worth said support/wait) or B) I can gracefully bow out knowing that I need and require more. *Kanye shrug* Sorry, NOT sorry. 

7) Being a mediocre student. I need to strive for excellence. I don't want just ok/passing grades, I want to excel. I want to push myself to be the best student I can be. IT HAS TO HAPPEN. I want to know my craft inside and out. Ain't no mediocre! 

8) Being bad at keeping up with people I love. My people know I be M.I.A., but Nursing school y'all... Promise I'll do better. 

9) Saying too much - While I love a good clap back and letting people know about themselves if they're wrong. Sometimes it is truly more beneficial to say less or nothing at all.  What is understood doesn't need to be said and that's one lesson I learned this year. What's gon' be will be and either way Imma keep living my life and doing me!

10) Complacency - Cut the shit and get real within! If I'm not happy with the trajectory of my life, change something. Complacency is a dream killer and nothing comes from it but staying in one place. If you want mobility and the ability to reach your goals, complacency is NOT for you. 

11) Procrastination - Stop it immediately! Like right now as you're reading this. I sometimes fall into this trap and it doesn't do anything but make me more stressed out lol. It doesn't serve you or anyone else in your life. Leave it behind today, rett nah! Make a daily TO DO list and put all those things you don't want to do at the top and knock those things out! 

12) Lowering standards and not setting boundaries - From this day forward, I will be crystal clear with my standards/intentions/boundaries. I will continue to manifest my dreams, manifest my dream life and dream partner and I won't settle for anything less. To do so would be criminal!

13) Anyone who belongs there....*cue Beyonce's "Sorry"*

photo cred: Geneva Wilder
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