autism mom

Heart Chakra Open AF

September 23, 2019






In the last few years, I've been doing a lot of soul searching; figuring out who I am, who I want to be and how to make those women meet. I have manifested so many wonderful things into my life in the past year and a half. I became a nurse this year, met an amazing man (J), landed a great nursing job and it looks like things are on a pretty positive course. Then, as of last week, I entered into a relationship with said amazing man that I manifested and the doubt began to creep in. 

I blogged before about self-sabotage and the negative effects it can have on your mentality and your life. Those feelings of unworthiness and flight began to set in for me this weekend. Although I didn't tell my new beau about these things at the time, I had to sit back and process why I was triggered and what I could do about it. To give a more in-depth understanding of how I was feeling, I first have to give you the break down:

1) December 2018: I decided that I was tired of the type of love I had been receiving and knew I deserved more. I signed up for a free challenge/FB group with a relationship with a coach named Crystal Irom. From this free class with Crystal, I eventually signed up for a 6 week paid course called Magnetize Your Match. She gave tips and tricks on how to hone in and be very specific about the type of man you want. We started with inner work on ourselves because you have to be right within or on that path to expect/call in someone of the same caliber. We were very broad about what we wanted in a partner and I made a list of about thirty or so qualities that I wanted in a man. By the end of the course, I had narrowed that down to five things that were non-negotiable for any man that I would enter into a romantic relationship with. 

2) January 2019: With my vision board already completed and my intention set for the year, I decided that 2019 would be the year that I met and found my husband. A couple weeks after making this proclamation I met J. From the day of our first date until now we have talked every single day.

Early on I knew that there was something special between us and that he was unlike any man I had ever dated before. He's kind, he's genuine, he's handsome, he cares about me and shows it and I can ask him to do anything and I know that he will at least try to help me out. These are the qualities I truly appreciate about him and I'm so thankful that I manifested him into my life.

3) January 2019- present: Even after months of daily phone calls/texts/Snaps,  spending time together, going on dates, cooking together, talking about our lives and our plans, he was hesitant to make the move from being friends to a relationship. We were finally able to have a heart-to-heart about that situation and made our relationship official last week. As someone who has dealt with more than one bad relationship, I understood and still understand his hesitation. It is a very hard recovery process to heal yourself and your heart when someone has done you dirty. But I knew then and know now that he is very special.

So over this past weekend, I began to have doubts. After how highly I've spoken of this man and how I feel about him, I began to wonder if I really wanted to be in a relationship at all. I took things slow with him on purpose and did things differently because I didn't want to get caught up in the wrong things and I wanted to make sure I knew the person that was coming into my life and eventually Liam's life too. He agreed to take things slow and never made it out like it was a problem. So there was never a doubt in my mind about how he felt about me judging by his words and actions. So where was this doubt and fear coming from?

After about a day of reflection, I realized that I'm not so much afraid of rejection or being broken up with. I am afraid of again being the person that heals a man and gets him ready for the next woman. I am afraid of pouring my heart and myself into another man and not receiving that love back. I am afraid of being too vulnerable and open to someone just to have it all fall apart and start from scratch with someone new. Of course, this realization came with a downpour of tears. 

At that moment, I fully understood why he was hesitant to be in a relationship in the first place. In his most recent and past experiences, things start off good, progressed fast and furious then things fell apart. He's a giver, a hard worker and puts his all into relationships. In my experience, I see the good and the potential in someone and want to help them to grow and develop because that is my love language. I'm also a giver, I'm loyal and I want a partnership. In 15 or so years of dating and a couple of serious relationships, I have never gotten back as much as I put in. Not even close. 

It's truly amazing the depths of the damage that we carry with us. I truly believed that I had sorted through most of my relationship blockages. I now realize that it's something that's going to take more time and I will have to truly do the deeper work to get to where I need to be. Shout out to one of my bffs Myia for being the voice of reason and other side of the coin that I needed to see things differently.

  I'm not looking for J to heal me or save me and it's not my intention to be that for him. If anything I hope to show him the same patience, kindness, and care he has shown me through. I'm looking forward to our relationship growing and developing into a lifetime of adventures, becoming a family (adding some members to that family as well), obstacles that we shatter, love, compromise, commitment, and most important choosing to work on these things daily together. Not relying on the other to bring us joy, but cultivating it from within and sharing it with one another. 


What is the vision you have for your next relationship? What do you desire in your future partner? If you've already met them, what about them do you love and appreciate? 

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Vacation on the Spectrum

July 3, 2018

This past Father's Day Liam and I embarked on our first vacation as a mini family unit to Destin, Florida. Allegiant Airlines had a kick ass deal on their newly added route from LEX to VPS. Liam has traveled a few places in his 8 years here on Earth, but this was our first vacation just Mom and son. It was also my first time traveling alone with Liam since he was officially diagnosed on the spectrum.



We departed from Lexington and the flight was about 1.5 hours. It went surprisingly smooth because we had Liam's trusty iPad even though he slept for about 45 minutes. Our flight was a later flight, so even with the excitement, he/we were able to get some Zzzzzs in! (Thank ya jeezus). Also, working in our favor was the fact that we reside in Eastern time and the gulf coast of Florida is in Central time :).

The next 3 and 1/2 days were spent relaxing, beachin' and eating our way through the Gulf coast. The most important part of the trip for me and for Liam was that this was a deviation from his normal schedule and routine. It was a test for both of us to see how he handled it. He far surpassed my expectations.

There were no meltdowns and Liam was even willing to try new things like feeding donkeys, goats and llamas at a local wildlife reserve. Liam did exhibit some stimming behaviors (things that happen when he is overstimulated), but that was expected.

Here are a few tips for how we survived our 5 day, 4 night mini-vacay:

1) I had to explain to Liam EVERYTHING we did/were doing. So while we didn't truly have an itinerary, I made sure to keep some things constant. We basically revolved our activities around breakfast, lunch and dinner and that seemed to work pretty well.

2) Liam has never had an issue flying - I mean he literally took his first flight at 2 months old and has been in the air ever since. Electronics, a small blanket and me as a pillow helped. I also made sure he was well fed before our 8pm ish departure.

3) Back to the activity thing. I bought Groupons ahead of the trip so every day we had something to do. Sometimes twice. Liam went bowling for the first time, we went to the movies and did a little shopping, we went to the beach three times, we swam at the hotel pool , we went out to eat and we went to the zoo/wildlife reserve. I made sure not to pack too much into one day. I always wanted to relax. 
dinner at Bric A Brac restaurant

selfie before dinner

beach day 1







Arcade at Uncle Buck's Fishbowl (also a bowling alley)

4) I made sure he was able to bring some of his favorite play things from home (i.e. his iPad and his favorite stuffed animal teddy). While on our trip Teddy even gained companion. In the Emerald Coast Zoo gift shop we found Teddy's new BFF a wolf named by Liam, Howl.


5) We couldn't pack food, but I made sure to find a grocery store and buy some snacks. Liam is a snacky kinda guy and he needs his faves on demand (He currently loves Go-Go Squeeze yogurts and applesauces).

6) If you don't fit everything in or there are some deviations from the plans, don't sweat it. My biggest take away from this was that Liam can and will thrive in different situations with me there to redirect/guide. My main goal in life is to assure him that he can and will have to do these things without me one day and empower him to do it!

Henderson Beach State Park - Destin, FL

Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe

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I'm NOT Superwoman

March 27, 2018

Image result for superwoman logo


By bestowing upon me this title, you unknowingly inflate my abilities to a superhuman level. I'm NOT super woman. I am weak, vulnerable, emotional and muhfuggin tide! This is not to degrade myself or draw attention to my shortcomings, but this is my reality. I'm a single mom to special needs child who barely has her shit together. I concoct these amazing ideas to get/save/use money and somehow they always end up leading me further from the things I truly love and the people that mean the most to me.

I'm an overachiever, I cannot be convinced unless by my own convincing that something may not be a good idea. I'm stubborn and tenacious. I won't take no for an answer. I'm so many things, but the most important to remember is that I'm human. I cry (a lot these days), I fuck up sometimes (more often then I would like to admit) and I rarely have shit figured out. I feel like most days I'm truly flying by the seat of my pants.

What do I even have going for me? I love; deeply and honestly and with dedication. I always try. Even when I fail or fall short, I have put in the best effort and done things to the best of my ability. I'm honest. I see the good in people and try to make the best of any and every situation. I try to find the lesson in things that don't go right.

I'm not superwoman, but I AM super and I AM a woman. My super powers lie within. They lie within my ability to work hard daily to become a better and the best me that I can be!

Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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Turning 8 is Great!

October 7, 2017

My handsome boy. I just love his eyes and his sweet soul. <3 

I can't believe that my little baby will be 8 years old on October 16. I definitely feel like he just got here. I remember my pregnancy with Liam and the moments leading up to his birth so clearly! Although at the time I'm writing this his birthday is a little over a week away, in true bougie fashion I had some pictures taken of him and me.

He was long overdue for some portraits and it had been almost four years since we had pictures done together. I'm so excited to have these memories captured on film. Life with my Liam is beautiful. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

So without further ado, here are some favorites from our shoot! Enjoy :).

Until again,

Bougie Beauty Babe







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Nursing School With a Purpose

April 2, 2017


This time 2.5 years ago. I won't be going back to EKU, but I'm back in 

As of a few days ago, I am officially accepted into Nursing school (for the 2nd time) ! This signifies so many things for me. It's a 2nd chance to get my shit together and the opportunity to live out my purpose and have the autonomy, education and financial ability to do some of the things I dream about. My goal is to be a Nurse entrepreneur in some capacity interlacing my passion for women's issues, a holistic lifestyle and my affinity for one on one interactions and relationship building.

I want the career mobility to be able to find a job literally anywhere. I want the ability to showcase my talents and truly and positively impact the lives of others. Retail cosmetics can never fill that void for me even though it's where I have spent the majority of my 20s. I want a career where I can use my brain and my empathy. I want to actually see the fruits of my labor. I am passionate about women's health. I truly believe when women are empowered in all walks of their lives it makes them better and better for their families.

I'm in this for the long haul as my eventual goal is to be a Nurse Practitioner with a DNP.  First LPN, then RN, MSN and finally DNP. I know there is so much I can bring to the profession and so much I have to offer to my future patients. I'm excited to start living in my purpose for the first time in a long time!

Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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Living Your Best Life

March 3, 2017

I jokingly use this phrase, but I really mean it. When I see my friends and family out here succeeding and doing great things, I tell them they are "living their best life". I mean living a life so good that you can see the happiness radiating and the joy of life spilling from their pores. True happiness, purposeful living and creating an amazing life,

I realized also that I have been not doing enough of that! I talk to God very casually instead of doing what I call traditional prayer. I talk to God and ask him to show me what he wants me to do, ask him what he has for me and to grant me the patience to wait on it. In 29 years, I can say that His timing has always been right. I truly believe that God can speak to and through us. It is up to us to read and see the signs.

I am way more spiritual than religious. The life lessons and things I believe I have discovered in my spirituality far surpass anything I have experienced in life. I am still trying to decipher sometimes what God wants for me and how I can get to live the life I want and feel I deserve, but I feel confident that I will get there.

But now cha'girl is on some new-new! I'm going to be one of those people I accuse of living their best life. I am literally ALWAYS telling people that they can do things and have the power within them, but I'm not practicing what I preach. So on March 3, 2017, here's to living your best muthafucking life! May you stumble, may you learn, may you fail, may you succeed, but most importantly may you do it on YOUR own terms.

The face you make when you out here comin' for what's yours to get! 


Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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Parenting and Autism

January 2, 2017

selfie circa 2013 :) 

L was officially diagnosed with ASD December 2013, right before I started Nursing school and in the midst of my dad having some serious health issues. I had suspected it and had been spending the previous 18 months trying to get him diagnosed and get the services he needs. I felt like I was constantly battling to get him and help and make sure he didn't fall behind.

I was devastated the first time I realized L might be on the Autism spectrum. I was 100% sure it was caused by something I did or didn't do and was so scared that he would never live a "normal" life. It literally sounds crazy now, but remembering those early days, it is exactly how I felt. I became a Mom at 21 and I know so much more now 7 years later than I did then.

I wanted to give some anectodal advice and some things that were true for me in our Autism journey thus far:

1) get support. Hopefully you have family or a strong support system who can help you emotionally and physically during this time.

2) Educate yourself. Read books on Autism. Research some of your child's symptoms. Think about changing their diet. Think about changing your interaction with your child. There are so many things that we feel helpless over, but upon observing and really tuning into what your kid is telling you, you can learn so much.

3) Cry it out. Let me say it again: CRY.IT.OUT. There were more than a few days where I felt helpless and defeated. On those days I had a good soul cry and then carried on my Bougie Mama duties like a bad ass lol. IT happens, you need to let it happen.

4) Love your child! You son or daughter is NOT Autism (or whatever his/her condition may be) Your son or daughter has a neurgological disorder that will affect him/her for the rest of their lives, BUT they should NOT be defined soley by their disease. L has Autism, but I don't let it define all he is or who he will become.

5) Take care of yourself! In order for you as a mom or dad to be on your A game, you HAVE to take care of yourself. This is particularly hard for special needs parents to do, but it is OH SO necessary. At one point in my life (a point I am actively working on), I was working out and in the gym 4-5 days a week and felt the best I ever have. I was vibrant, happy and was better equipped to tackle the mental and physical stressors of my day!

I'm still new on my journey as a parent and as an Autism Mom, but I hope this post reached you in a positive way and helped a little bit on your own journey! :)

Until again,
Bougie Beauty Babe
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